Well it took the whole morning to reassure my ex-wife but finally I was given the go-ahead to collect them and managed to make it in time. The day's been a rollercoaster - I'm hoping to relax now (ah chocolate!).

I feel betrayed by Alan - he says he was just advising them and wouldn't betray me.

Had a lot of support from AA friends and my sponsor and thank God I've made it through a very trying day.

without a reason, what is this fire
You would think I’d never been alone in an elevator with a boy before. Me plus a sexy boy in a small, enclosed space equals seriously naughty thoughts.

I bumped into you at the elevator shortly after we’d both left our office. I made some inane comment about how I really wasn’t following you and you just smiled. You didn’t have the decency to stand facing the front of the elevator, instead you stood facing me and we just smiled a lot for no reason as we made forgettable chitchat for the few minutes it took us to go up just three floors. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear to God you were flirting with me. It was as if as soon as we stepped into that metal box, all the air got sucked out and replaced with pheromones. Did you feel that? That felt like a moment.
A moment inexplicably crackling with electricity. What the hell was that about? Not to alarm you, but had the elevator gotten stuck like it’s been know to do, I would have jumped your bones without compunction.


And we had all hoped that the barf quotient of this blog would be going down.


This could all be in my head, of course. It very probably is. “Oh, you had a moment!” “Now THAT, my friend, is a shared moment.” etc.


But seriously, and chime in here, how can you really tell the difference between electricity that results from mutual attraction and electricity that’s just a product of your own lust addled brain? Because I sure as hell can’t tell. When I was crushing on the boy so many years ago, I had absolutely no idea he was interested in me, too, hence my complete surprise when he asked me out. Further, I hadn’t had a clue that he was interested in me quite a while before that, when I was still dating someone else. We had both been in a government class the year before and I remember he always had something funny to say in greeting when he walked up to me in class and later he told me that he would spend the entire walk to class thinking of something to say to make me laugh. Who knew? So apparently my radar for this kind of thing is absolutely worthless.


I watched an old Dawson’s Creek this morning (I watch cheesy TV, so sue me). It was one of my favorite episodes – the one where Pacey and Joey are trapped at K-mart all night (Pacey and Joey 4eva!). Completely unoriginal, yes. But who wouldn’t want to be stuck overnight with Pacey/Joshua Jackson? Well, unless I’d rather be stuck overnight with Snark Boy (aka Crankypants, also CFKABE, crush formerly known as Blue Eyes. Ok, I’ll stop now). Although Target kicks K-mart’s ass all around the block. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, this:

“Is this a new development?”

“Wanting to kiss you? No, it’s sort of always there, like white noise or the Secret Service or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. It’s just something you get used to.”


This whole being a reasonable, less juvenile, less boy crazy blogger is gonna be an uphill battle, folks.


I want you
I want you,
I want you so bad
Honey, I want you

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I'm Going to Dye My Hair GreenAnd travel cross-country on a beat-up motorbike with a gang of hardened biker criminals!Did I get your attention yet? Good. You're the first, believe me.How extraordinarily surreal it is to be surrounded by people - people you know, no less - who seem to be counting their syllables before they speak to you in order to ensure they're not using more than three or four at a time.Would someone out there please enlighten me on exactly why I'm getting the cold shoulder?I have over the years noticed something which is quite disheartening. I've realised, especially recently, that people only ever ask me to be "completely and bluntly honest" about anything when they know the answer I am going to give and know that they are not going to like it.Which is kinda dumb, because it means when I get really honest with people, especially on delicate issues, people tend to get hurt. I don't like hurting people... but if they ask for the complete truth then that is what I will give them.So, I now have some rules when it comes to asking for complete honesty on my part:1. No more than three questions total. I'm taking a lesson from the head of Kwik-E-Mart here.2. Don't interrupt me while I'm speaking. Even if you're really, really pissed off.3. Don't raise your voice when I'm done speaking. If I can keep my voice controlled and calm, so can you.4. Look me in the eye at all times, during both asking the questions and listening to my responses. If you're going to ask me something, you can at least have the courage to maintain eye contact.That's about it... but hopefully it'll prevent some trouble. And when I find out what's causing The Monosyllabic Disease, I will be sure to inform you all!